You know it's true. Everyone knows it's true. Holiday season practically requires you have someone you can snuggle up and drink hot cocoa and read a book with, wink at and share inside jokes across the Thanksgiving table with, go ice skating with, build snowmen and have semi-serious snowball fights with, wander around a look at Christmas lights with. All that with-y stuff. Because this time of year is all about that warm, cuddly, loving and sharing sort of feeling. What can I say, I have bought into it; people really make that significant other accessory look like like a must have.
Alright, Santa. The pressure's on, bro.
A boyfriend for Christmas.
Oh snap, is that a Hallmark movie title?
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
Of Death and Love and Grampa
Laugh if you want, but the last two nights in a row I have ended them sobbing - and I mean, snotty, hiccuping-type sobbing - over movies. No I won't tell you which ones. Fine, I will. Little Women and The Last Song.
Shut up.
My point in even mentioning that semi-embarrassing fact is that, for some reason or another, recently I have become aware that death is very, very close. And come uncomfortably close to those that I love in the last few years; like my dad, and my grandparents.
In my Intro To Music Therapy class this last week we talked about the older adult population - the Elderly. The group, with whom, for many of them, you mostly focus on quality of life versus improvement in Music Therapy sessions.
It's a strange thing to think about death, to read the chapter on aging; how your body starts to decay, and your very brain begins to deteriorate, and all the while your soul remains young and watches as the body it inhabits slowly falls away, eventually to return the dust from which it came.
My professor gave us the assignment to ask an older adult above the age of 75 to answer five questions we came up with about how it felt to age. I asked my grandparents. This evening my grandma emailed me my grandpa's response and - perhaps because I just got done watching The Last Song in which the father of the family dies of cancer - as I read the answers, I cried and cried and cried.
It hurt so much to hear. It scared me so much to read; to think about, to feel; to even imagine feeling.
But death is coming. It will arrive. And there is no way of stopping it.
So do I figure out how to deal with it before it comes? CAN I figure out how to deal with it before it comes? Is there some sort of class I can take on coping with terrible deaths before they occur so that when they happen, I have already mostly dealt with it and can move on? I guess not. Don't know if I even wish that.
One thing my grandpa kept hitting on: Love. You love and you love and you love, and as you grow older you begin to understand that that is all that is important: loving.
You can build empires, and invent the next iPhone app, win Dancing With the Stars and the biggest court case in the history of the 21st century. But love will beat all. You love: you cannot lose.
Shut up.
My point in even mentioning that semi-embarrassing fact is that, for some reason or another, recently I have become aware that death is very, very close. And come uncomfortably close to those that I love in the last few years; like my dad, and my grandparents.
In my Intro To Music Therapy class this last week we talked about the older adult population - the Elderly. The group, with whom, for many of them, you mostly focus on quality of life versus improvement in Music Therapy sessions.
It's a strange thing to think about death, to read the chapter on aging; how your body starts to decay, and your very brain begins to deteriorate, and all the while your soul remains young and watches as the body it inhabits slowly falls away, eventually to return the dust from which it came.
My professor gave us the assignment to ask an older adult above the age of 75 to answer five questions we came up with about how it felt to age. I asked my grandparents. This evening my grandma emailed me my grandpa's response and - perhaps because I just got done watching The Last Song in which the father of the family dies of cancer - as I read the answers, I cried and cried and cried.
It hurt so much to hear. It scared me so much to read; to think about, to feel; to even imagine feeling.
But death is coming. It will arrive. And there is no way of stopping it.
So do I figure out how to deal with it before it comes? CAN I figure out how to deal with it before it comes? Is there some sort of class I can take on coping with terrible deaths before they occur so that when they happen, I have already mostly dealt with it and can move on? I guess not. Don't know if I even wish that.
One thing my grandpa kept hitting on: Love. You love and you love and you love, and as you grow older you begin to understand that that is all that is important: loving.
You can build empires, and invent the next iPhone app, win Dancing With the Stars and the biggest court case in the history of the 21st century. But love will beat all. You love: you cannot lose.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Don't let yourself get behind - it sucks less to do it now than to do it and 3 other things later.
I should really, really, really be reading my Intro to Music Therapy book and taking a test... but it has been such a long time since I've written on this blog that I feel the urge to hear a flurry of clicks on the keyboard.
Classes are three weeks in now. How that happened absolutely beats me. Suddenly I know people; we're joking around, walking to class without thinking about what building/room/class we're going to. I'm no longer guessing on which streets to turn on to get to class; that's in the BAG.
Music Therapy is cool, guys. I'm not just saying that because it's what I'm currently pursuing, I really mean it. It's awesome. Sometimes for class what we do is sit around in a circle with a bunch of random instruments, and for half an hour we improve; switching out instruments when we feel it, singing, leaving the beat and melody up to the group as a whole. It is possibly the most fun I have ever had in a class. There are other parts to the class - equally as interesting, if you can believe that - that have already challenged me on a sort of human, exposing, vulnerable level. Woo! That's the kind of learning I'm talkin' about, people!
Within these last couple of weeks I have learned a little bit of something I want to share with you:
if you work hard
and you keep the procrastinating at a minimum
and you don't watch too much tv or stay on facebook
if you sleep
and spend time in nature without your phone
drink water
and just generally wake up in the morning determined to find things you love about life:
YOU WILL SUCCEED.
I'm not talking about acing every test, or becoming top dog. I am talking about quality of life; learning to do things right, to not take short cuts, to love things because they are beautiful even when they are hard.
Write that on your sheet music and play it.
Classes are three weeks in now. How that happened absolutely beats me. Suddenly I know people; we're joking around, walking to class without thinking about what building/room/class we're going to. I'm no longer guessing on which streets to turn on to get to class; that's in the BAG.
Music Therapy is cool, guys. I'm not just saying that because it's what I'm currently pursuing, I really mean it. It's awesome. Sometimes for class what we do is sit around in a circle with a bunch of random instruments, and for half an hour we improve; switching out instruments when we feel it, singing, leaving the beat and melody up to the group as a whole. It is possibly the most fun I have ever had in a class. There are other parts to the class - equally as interesting, if you can believe that - that have already challenged me on a sort of human, exposing, vulnerable level. Woo! That's the kind of learning I'm talkin' about, people!
Within these last couple of weeks I have learned a little bit of something I want to share with you:
if you work hard
and you keep the procrastinating at a minimum
and you don't watch too much tv or stay on facebook
if you sleep
and spend time in nature without your phone
drink water
and just generally wake up in the morning determined to find things you love about life:
YOU WILL SUCCEED.
I'm not talking about acing every test, or becoming top dog. I am talking about quality of life; learning to do things right, to not take short cuts, to love things because they are beautiful even when they are hard.
Write that on your sheet music and play it.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Please Just Be Nice
Today I just want to say:
You don't have to be
Cynical
Sarcastic
Pessimistic
or
Harsh
to be a cool person.
I think people are cool when they are kind. And loyal. And you know what? Gentle.
Yes, there is something to being candid and forthright, but when you start adding sarcastic tones to cynical, biting statements they lose their oomph.
Please stop being mean to each other and trying to out-wit, out-swear, out-badass everyone else. No one truly enjoys that.
You don't have to be
Cynical
Sarcastic
Pessimistic
or
Harsh
to be a cool person.
I think people are cool when they are kind. And loyal. And you know what? Gentle.
Yes, there is something to being candid and forthright, but when you start adding sarcastic tones to cynical, biting statements they lose their oomph.
Please stop being mean to each other and trying to out-wit, out-swear, out-badass everyone else. No one truly enjoys that.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
6 Little Things
1. I like the word "vapid". Which is funny when you consider the definition.
2. Three little nieces and nephews in (and one on the way!) and my enthusiasm and love for them (and the others to come) just grows and grows. I like being an aunt. And holding little baby Helen this weekend made me think I am really going to like being a mom too.
3. Alone time is very very important. That's when insanity gets all chopped down to sanity, and sometimes further: contentment.
4. Right now Music Therapy is my next run at a future job, but I'm not sure I'll ever decide that doing music as a performer or becoming a nurse aren't careers I wouldn't love.
5. It's best to love people really hard and really well - forgiving, and fighting fiercely for them. And don't be surprised when life suddenly starts to feel like an emotional roller coaster; when you love hard, you feel every ache and pain those closest to you go through.
6. Simplify. Stop buying crap. Re-evaluate what I have and ask myself, "Why did I buy this? Is this necessary?" And if it isn't a necessity, learn to be okay without it.
2. Three little nieces and nephews in (and one on the way!) and my enthusiasm and love for them (and the others to come) just grows and grows. I like being an aunt. And holding little baby Helen this weekend made me think I am really going to like being a mom too.
3. Alone time is very very important. That's when insanity gets all chopped down to sanity, and sometimes further: contentment.
4. Right now Music Therapy is my next run at a future job, but I'm not sure I'll ever decide that doing music as a performer or becoming a nurse aren't careers I wouldn't love.
5. It's best to love people really hard and really well - forgiving, and fighting fiercely for them. And don't be surprised when life suddenly starts to feel like an emotional roller coaster; when you love hard, you feel every ache and pain those closest to you go through.
6. Simplify. Stop buying crap. Re-evaluate what I have and ask myself, "Why did I buy this? Is this necessary?" And if it isn't a necessity, learn to be okay without it.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Ten Things
A friend posted a link on Facebook today to an article on a site called Thought Catologue. Once I read it and enjoyed it, I surfed the site a little and found this other article which I am posting on here. I like most of these things. Here. Have at them. Tell me what you think.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/10-things-i-wish-i-could-have-told-myself-5-years-ago/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/10-things-i-wish-i-could-have-told-myself-5-years-ago/
Sunday, June 16, 2013
I don't care, you decide for me.
Growing up I went through stages of being annoyed at my dad for refusing to give me answers to all my important life decisions. There were times I just wanted him to tell me what to do; it would be so much easier if he would just define the path for me. It's not that he never gave me advice, but rather the kind of advice he gave me was less specific and more about becoming the type of person that makes good decisions than about what decision to make. But sometimes he didn't even talk about that. All he would do was remind me that there are always the logistical things to think about - the stuff I CAN evaluate, like money and the fact that I don't have it - and then tell me to make the smartest decision based on where I was at, and what I wanted my future to look like. And boy, sometimes I was just so mad that he wouldn't just make the decision; tell me which was the better option! Because deciding big stuff is hard - really hard. There can be big consequences for decisions, and when the decisions are big ones then you can be sure the consequences are bigger too. And that's scary. And I would rather not be responsible for screwing my life (or anyone elses life for that matter) over.
As I am growing up in years, I am learning to appreciate what Papa gave me when he refused to give me those answers. Instead of a lack of caring, which I sometimes suspected was behind the silence, Papa was purposefully using his silence to invest in the idea that if I made my own decisions early on in life, then, once I get to the reeeaally big decisions, I'd know how to approach them, what to evaluate, and how to not freak out and ask somebody else to make them for me. I'm still working on it but I think, thanks to Pops, I've gotten a little better.
Don't worry, I will still be the most indecisive person you will ever meet when it comes to the little stuff.
Because, honestly, I don't care what restaurant we eat at.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Mundane, have your way.
In Service.
Out of Service.
In Service.
Out of Service.
I/S
O/S
I/S
O/S
...
Day
...
after
...
...
day.
Of late, this is my life. The mundane. The very mundane. And then the little sparkles of daylight I catch on my way down the mountain and out of the cloud-cover after work.
Things that are not originally mundane get to be so rather fast. Like the telephone calls I get from visitors asking about road conditions every day. Or the vehicle stickers I have to issue incoming employees. Or signing the UPS man's little signer gadget. Jobs that at one time we find exciting become just plain boring. Co-workers we once found entertaining we begin to get annoyed with. The refreshing early rise from bed to greet the day becomes a push the iPhone off the bed to make it stop ringing.
Last night I watched the Finale of The Office and I cried my head off. You just love everybody so much at the end of it. All of Kevin's chubby-faced side glances and garbled sentences. Dwight's dead-pan jokes. Michael's horrible un-intended jokes. Jim and Pam... just... Jim. and. Pam. There are no words.
The very last line Pam says: "There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things... Isn't that the point?"
And after crying little bits all the way through I just let it all out right then. How wonderful that realization is; that there is no separation between the two: the ordinary is beautiful.
These mundane tasks of my life will be looked back on as some of my most treasured.
Don't forget what you learned today, Ellie.
Out of Service.
In Service.
Out of Service.
I/S
O/S
I/S
O/S
...
Day
...
after
...
...
day.
Of late, this is my life. The mundane. The very mundane. And then the little sparkles of daylight I catch on my way down the mountain and out of the cloud-cover after work.
Things that are not originally mundane get to be so rather fast. Like the telephone calls I get from visitors asking about road conditions every day. Or the vehicle stickers I have to issue incoming employees. Or signing the UPS man's little signer gadget. Jobs that at one time we find exciting become just plain boring. Co-workers we once found entertaining we begin to get annoyed with. The refreshing early rise from bed to greet the day becomes a push the iPhone off the bed to make it stop ringing.
Last night I watched the Finale of The Office and I cried my head off. You just love everybody so much at the end of it. All of Kevin's chubby-faced side glances and garbled sentences. Dwight's dead-pan jokes. Michael's horrible un-intended jokes. Jim and Pam... just... Jim. and. Pam. There are no words.
The very last line Pam says: "There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things... Isn't that the point?"
And after crying little bits all the way through I just let it all out right then. How wonderful that realization is; that there is no separation between the two: the ordinary is beautiful.
These mundane tasks of my life will be looked back on as some of my most treasured.
Don't forget what you learned today, Ellie.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Never Never Land
You know those days when only thing you really ever want to do and the thing you get to do is curl up in a ball with a soft blanket and sleep the afternoon away? And then you know those other days when you're at work and nothing interesting is happening and all you get to do is sit at your desk and be responsible until the clock FINALLY hits 5? Well my day is the latter, but I wish with all my might that it was the former. I wish it. I wish it so much. But it's just not going to happen for me. I still have a good 4 1/2 hours to work, and no one is going to walk in with a blanket and tea for me and say, "Go home, Ellie. Read a good book and sleep." But I really wish it.
Crater Lake is being dowsed in a blanket of snow this afternoon. Which means that my gallivant home is going to be less gallivanty and more creeper-ish. Which doesn't make any word sense, but overall feeling sense I think it conveys quite efficiently.
Everything I say today is slow and garbled and unreadable. And that sucks because my job is to communicate. Communications Operator. Who ever heard of a Communications Operator who couldn't communicate? Now you have.
Can I please just go into a coma now? My head is off in Never Never Ever Gonna Let You Make Sense of the World Today Land.
Crater Lake is being dowsed in a blanket of snow this afternoon. Which means that my gallivant home is going to be less gallivanty and more creeper-ish. Which doesn't make any word sense, but overall feeling sense I think it conveys quite efficiently.
Everything I say today is slow and garbled and unreadable. And that sucks because my job is to communicate. Communications Operator. Who ever heard of a Communications Operator who couldn't communicate? Now you have.
Can I please just go into a coma now? My head is off in Never Never Ever Gonna Let You Make Sense of the World Today Land.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Adulthood
This morning at work while I was dutifully slaving away, I came across a video one of my friends posted on Facebook. I think the audio is taken from a graduation speech commencement. The words sound like they're taken from a lifetime of learning that awareness is living, that meaning isn't found between pages but between people in line at a grocery store.
If you've ever felt like the only thing we place value on is book knowledge: watch this.
If you've ever felt like the only thing we place value on is book knowledge: watch this.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Relationship Mumbo-Jumbo
Maybe this is a ridiculous thing for me to do, considering my lack of experience in this area, but I feel like talking about relationships. Of the romantic persuasion.
You see, I don't think the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I don't want to be. Maybe way deep down I'm missing something, but when I look at my desires one of them IS a committed relationship...so once I recall that I do in fact want one I start wondering why I don't have one. And that's where it gets complicated and I don't know what to say because I DON'T KNOW. I don't bloody know, people.
My fall back response to that why-don't-you-have-one question is: "Well...I just haven't found the one, ya know." And maybe that's true. Maybe that is true. Probably.
And then my response to that response is, "That's a cover up, Scaredy Cat." And maybe that's true too.
From there comes a slew of thoughts which I try not to linger on.
"I'm waiting for the perfect Guy"
"Sure. But what sort of expectations do you have? Have you got a list you're trying to check off?"
"Well...yes. But that's a good thing!"
"In some ways, but people are human, Ellie. There won't be a guy with all of your ideal traits checked off."
"There could be. If he's the perfect one for me."
"No, Ellie, the perfect one for you is not a perfect guy, he's just the perfect guy for you."
"Well that's what I meant."
"Is it?"
"... Maybe not, but I'm not going to settle."
"Again with the expectations. How about you just stop evaluating everyone and start focusing on yourself."
"I am! But if I do that then I'm just going to miss out on my chance."
"Your chance? Ellie, YOU WILL MEET THE PERFECT GUY WHEN GOD SENDS HIM TO YOU. It's not up to chance - it's up to God. Stop living your life like your one opportunity is going to pass you by. Plus, no guy likes a desperate girl."
"Some guys do."
"Oh. And those are the type of guys you're looking for?"
"No."
"Then stop being desperate. Desperation always attracts the wrong sorts of attention."
"Guh. Dammityou'reright. So I just need to focus on my own stuff."
"Yeah, and we need to focus on bettering ourselves just because that is the best thing to do; what Christ would have you do. Not because of some boy out there."
"Okay. Yeah. be better because that means I can help people...better."
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Cool. Good talk."
"Yeah."
"Are we done here?"
"Not even close.....but what about that guy?"
"Are you serious?!?"
I'm just going to make a broad and sweeping statement and say that none of us (not even those in committed, loving, flourishing, kick-ass relationships) know how relationships are supposed to work. And that is why Christ gave us the beautiful example of the church. 'cause he looked at us and said, "Oh snap. They have no idea what they are doing." And let's be honest, things have gotten better since then. I mean, like, Solomon, dude, 700 concubines, really? Not cool, man. Not cool.
I'm going to end this about where I started it - confused. But maybe a little less anxious than before. God has things in control. He's not going to short-change me by tossing "the one" out there and reeling him in before I bite (lil fishing metaphor for your reading pleasure). If I've got my better interests in mind, He's got my best interests in mind. Thank goodness.
You see, I don't think the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I don't want to be. Maybe way deep down I'm missing something, but when I look at my desires one of them IS a committed relationship...so once I recall that I do in fact want one I start wondering why I don't have one. And that's where it gets complicated and I don't know what to say because I DON'T KNOW. I don't bloody know, people.
My fall back response to that why-don't-you-have-one question is: "Well...I just haven't found the one, ya know." And maybe that's true. Maybe that is true. Probably.
And then my response to that response is, "That's a cover up, Scaredy Cat." And maybe that's true too.
From there comes a slew of thoughts which I try not to linger on.
"I'm waiting for the perfect Guy"
"Sure. But what sort of expectations do you have? Have you got a list you're trying to check off?"
"Well...yes. But that's a good thing!"
"In some ways, but people are human, Ellie. There won't be a guy with all of your ideal traits checked off."
"There could be. If he's the perfect one for me."
"No, Ellie, the perfect one for you is not a perfect guy, he's just the perfect guy for you."
"Well that's what I meant."
"Is it?"
"... Maybe not, but I'm not going to settle."
"Again with the expectations. How about you just stop evaluating everyone and start focusing on yourself."
"I am! But if I do that then I'm just going to miss out on my chance."
"Your chance? Ellie, YOU WILL MEET THE PERFECT GUY WHEN GOD SENDS HIM TO YOU. It's not up to chance - it's up to God. Stop living your life like your one opportunity is going to pass you by. Plus, no guy likes a desperate girl."
"Some guys do."
"Oh. And those are the type of guys you're looking for?"
"No."
"Then stop being desperate. Desperation always attracts the wrong sorts of attention."
"Guh. Dammityou'reright. So I just need to focus on my own stuff."
"Yeah, and we need to focus on bettering ourselves just because that is the best thing to do; what Christ would have you do. Not because of some boy out there."
"Okay. Yeah. be better because that means I can help people...better."
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Cool. Good talk."
"Yeah."
"Are we done here?"
"Not even close.....but what about that guy?"
"Are you serious?!?"
I'm just going to make a broad and sweeping statement and say that none of us (not even those in committed, loving, flourishing, kick-ass relationships) know how relationships are supposed to work. And that is why Christ gave us the beautiful example of the church. 'cause he looked at us and said, "Oh snap. They have no idea what they are doing." And let's be honest, things have gotten better since then. I mean, like, Solomon, dude, 700 concubines, really? Not cool, man. Not cool.
I'm going to end this about where I started it - confused. But maybe a little less anxious than before. God has things in control. He's not going to short-change me by tossing "the one" out there and reeling him in before I bite (lil fishing metaphor for your reading pleasure). If I've got my better interests in mind, He's got my best interests in mind. Thank goodness.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Bloggers
I'm starting to think the only people who actually blog are young moms. Young moms and extremely bitter liberal single men in their 50s. And guys in their 30's writing blogs about techy things which no one else - save the other techy guys in their 30's - will understand. Which definitely makes me the odd one out.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Oh, God, bring us the day when this darkness will end.
Texas and Boston, we are grieving with you.
I am so sorry.
It is sad; so deep, so bitter. This Boston bombing. The Texas fertilizer plant fire. The bombings in Iraq.
All of it.
All of the beautiful people who have felt the wrath and foolishness of another angry, possessed, and horribly lost soul.
Tonight I just feel it all. I can't stop crying. I just can't stop crying
Because the people out there - people just like me; normal people with jobs they get tired of, family they fight with - they are losing everything. Their best friends. Their legs. Their mom. Their dad. The very peace and sanity that comes with knowing safety.
Ecclesiastes says there is a time for everything under the sun. A time to laugh. And a time to mourn.
Today, oh, how we mourn.
I pray for the day we can laugh together in a place un-riddled with hatred and pain.
Oh, God, please bring us the day when this darkness will end.
Please bring us the day when this darkness will end.
I am so sorry.
It is sad; so deep, so bitter. This Boston bombing. The Texas fertilizer plant fire. The bombings in Iraq.
All of the beautiful people who have felt the wrath and foolishness of another angry, possessed, and horribly lost soul.
Tonight I just feel it all. I can't stop crying. I just can't stop crying
Because the people out there - people just like me; normal people with jobs they get tired of, family they fight with - they are losing everything. Their best friends. Their legs. Their mom. Their dad. The very peace and sanity that comes with knowing safety.
Ecclesiastes says there is a time for everything under the sun. A time to laugh. And a time to mourn.
Today, oh, how we mourn.
I pray for the day we can laugh together in a place un-riddled with hatred and pain.
Oh, God, please bring us the day when this darkness will end.
Please bring us the day when this darkness will end.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
New Life
Found this on my computer hard drive today. Little Joel when he was even tinier than he is now. How fast the wee ones grow. .Downstairs I can hear a door creaking. Someone has got up for a late night snack.
Just the day before yesterday Mom, Papa and I were up at Mt Ashland looking for our family friend, Carol Koon. She was lost - on the day a blizzard struck the mountain. We were all scared. Steve, her husband, was absolutely distraught. His face was sunken in; defeated; all life, all Steve, drained from him. Without Carol he wasn't Steve.
Here was was a picture of a deep and intense love. A love that was being tested and yanked on; a love that remained damn steadfast. It was the most heartbreaking yet wonderful thing I have ever seen. Carol was found mid-morning of the next day. The relief that broke over Steve's face was nearly indescribable. It was as if the spirit that had left him suddenly returned; the bags beneath his eyes were gone; the sparkle came back into his eyes; suddenly he was able to smile, stand up, look at people and communicate. If Carol would not have been found I don't know that Steve would have been able to recover from it. His heart couldn't have taken it. Love like that is absolutely terrifying and absolutely inspiring.
Spring is here. New life; I'm ready for that.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Of Accordions and Fate
Taylor Swift won another award a the Grammys this evening. Being perfectly candid, I don't actually hate T-swifty. Sure...I complain about her a lot. I mean, every single boy I know has had a legitimate crush on her, and their reasons are always, "She's so innocent", "You can tell she's a really good person", "She's humble". Okay. Fine. Yes. Taylor Swift has surely embodied the girl-next-door caricature, but puh-leaze, she's not an angel. She has faults too, I'm sure. You see a pretty, blonde, curly haired girl in pretty, breezy dresses, who sings with the voice of an angel - her mom probably could tell you a different story.
But really, I don't hold anything against Taylor Swift. Really. Seriously. I do wish, however, that once a person has gotten a Grammy, the Grammy awarders (whomever decides these things - is it the people, or how does that work?) should consider other bands/artists out there. She's got talent; yes. But there are a sack-a-ton of artists who have better lyrics, just as well written melodies, and lots and lots and lots less fame. Taylor has had her time. Let's move on and let her continue writing broken-heart love songs for her substantial fan crowd. Someone else needs some love.
On another note, my sister, Carrie, introduced me to my newest favorite blogger: Rocket Shoes
He has reviewed every episode of this seasons The Bachelor, and I have cried with tears of laughter over several of them. The shame I feel from watching that wretched show is somehow both enhanced and lessoned after reading his posts. If you watch the show, it's worth your time to at least check out the last post.
This evening I acquired an accordion from my grandparent's. It was sitting on the top book case shelf, gathering dust and inspiration. After taking it down and pumping out some eerie sounding chords, I decided that it'd be an instrument worth working on; unique, and excellent at drowning out ones own thoughts. So Grandma rummaged in the back room and produced a couple of brittle practice books and tomorrow it will commence.
It has taken some time - lots of thought, hours of questioning, a cry or two - and I have brought myself around to forgiveness. Or rather, I have attempted to lesson the bitterness in my heart regarding a friend of mine. Lately I have had a hard time with this decision that I once made regarding this friend. But when I look back on old journal entries and prayers, and when I talk to my best friend, I remember that things happen for reasons. We make decisions, for better or for worse, and we move on in our lives according to those decisions. And sometimes we get a glimpse of the other side - the path we almost took; the way we could have went - and we get anxious. At least I do. I start worrying that I made the wrong choice, perhaps my heart and my head were mixing things up, maybe what I thought was right in my head, my heart was saying was wrong, and my head makes decisions faster than my heart, so I followed it and it took me down a path that, later, my heart protested was still wrong. And my conscience is just the go between; middle man, trying to make peace within the body. And then I remember that often the way to make a decision when you don't know what is totally right, is to pray, seek advice from those around you, and follow your gut/heart. Sounds simple in theory, but it feels like your innerds are being torn up when it comes down to executing.
So I made the decision; I chose a path. I stuck to it. In a way, I made decision about how my life was going to go. Like the Katie Melua song goes, "Sometimes I believe in fate, but the chances we create always seem to ring more true", often it really does come to down to us and our decisions. We decide a little bit how our lives will turn out. We choose people to hang out with. We choose college, or no college. We choose laziness, or hard work. Fate (or providence) does come into play, I believe, but we have more than just a hand in the process. We create chances.
But really, I don't hold anything against Taylor Swift. Really. Seriously. I do wish, however, that once a person has gotten a Grammy, the Grammy awarders (whomever decides these things - is it the people, or how does that work?) should consider other bands/artists out there. She's got talent; yes. But there are a sack-a-ton of artists who have better lyrics, just as well written melodies, and lots and lots and lots less fame. Taylor has had her time. Let's move on and let her continue writing broken-heart love songs for her substantial fan crowd. Someone else needs some love.
On another note, my sister, Carrie, introduced me to my newest favorite blogger: Rocket Shoes
He has reviewed every episode of this seasons The Bachelor, and I have cried with tears of laughter over several of them. The shame I feel from watching that wretched show is somehow both enhanced and lessoned after reading his posts. If you watch the show, it's worth your time to at least check out the last post.
This evening I acquired an accordion from my grandparent's. It was sitting on the top book case shelf, gathering dust and inspiration. After taking it down and pumping out some eerie sounding chords, I decided that it'd be an instrument worth working on; unique, and excellent at drowning out ones own thoughts. So Grandma rummaged in the back room and produced a couple of brittle practice books and tomorrow it will commence.
It has taken some time - lots of thought, hours of questioning, a cry or two - and I have brought myself around to forgiveness. Or rather, I have attempted to lesson the bitterness in my heart regarding a friend of mine. Lately I have had a hard time with this decision that I once made regarding this friend. But when I look back on old journal entries and prayers, and when I talk to my best friend, I remember that things happen for reasons. We make decisions, for better or for worse, and we move on in our lives according to those decisions. And sometimes we get a glimpse of the other side - the path we almost took; the way we could have went - and we get anxious. At least I do. I start worrying that I made the wrong choice, perhaps my heart and my head were mixing things up, maybe what I thought was right in my head, my heart was saying was wrong, and my head makes decisions faster than my heart, so I followed it and it took me down a path that, later, my heart protested was still wrong. And my conscience is just the go between; middle man, trying to make peace within the body. And then I remember that often the way to make a decision when you don't know what is totally right, is to pray, seek advice from those around you, and follow your gut/heart. Sounds simple in theory, but it feels like your innerds are being torn up when it comes down to executing.
So I made the decision; I chose a path. I stuck to it. In a way, I made decision about how my life was going to go. Like the Katie Melua song goes, "Sometimes I believe in fate, but the chances we create always seem to ring more true", often it really does come to down to us and our decisions. We decide a little bit how our lives will turn out. We choose people to hang out with. We choose college, or no college. We choose laziness, or hard work. Fate (or providence) does come into play, I believe, but we have more than just a hand in the process. We create chances.
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