Relationship Mumbo-Jumbo

Maybe this is a ridiculous thing for me to do, considering my lack of experience in this area, but I feel like talking about relationships. Of the romantic persuasion.

You see, I don't think the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I don't want to be. Maybe way deep down I'm missing something, but when I look at my desires one of them IS a committed relationship...so once I recall that I do in fact want one I start wondering why I don't have one. And that's where it gets complicated and I don't know what to say because I DON'T KNOW. I don't bloody know, people.

My fall back response to that why-don't-you-have-one question is: "Well...I just haven't found the one, ya know." And maybe that's true. Maybe that is true. Probably.

And then my response to that response is, "That's a cover up, Scaredy Cat." And maybe that's true too.

From there comes a slew of thoughts which I try not to linger on.

"I'm waiting for the perfect Guy"
"Sure. But what sort of expectations do you have? Have you got a list you're trying to check off?"
"Well...yes. But that's a good thing!"
"In some ways, but people are human, Ellie. There won't be a guy with all of your ideal traits checked off."
"There could be. If he's the perfect one for me."
"No, Ellie, the perfect one for you is not a perfect guy, he's just the perfect guy for you."
"Well that's what I meant."
"Is it?"
"... Maybe not, but I'm not going to settle."
"Again with the expectations. How about you just stop evaluating everyone and start focusing on yourself."
"I am! But if I do that then I'm just going to miss out on my chance."
"Your chance? Ellie, YOU WILL MEET THE PERFECT GUY WHEN GOD SENDS HIM TO YOU. It's not up to chance - it's up to God. Stop living your life like your one opportunity is going to pass you by. Plus, no guy likes a desperate girl."
"Some guys do."
"Oh. And those are the type of guys you're looking for?"
"No."
"Then stop being desperate. Desperation always attracts the wrong sorts of attention."
"Guh. Dammityou'reright. So I just need to focus on my own stuff."
"Yeah, and we need to focus on bettering ourselves just because that is the best thing to do; what Christ would have you do. Not because of some boy out there."
"Okay. Yeah. be better because that means I can help people...better."
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Cool. Good talk."
"Yeah."
"Are we done here?"
"Not even close.....but what about that guy?"
"Are you serious?!?"

I'm just going to make a broad and sweeping statement and say that none of us (not even those in committed, loving, flourishing, kick-ass relationships) know how relationships are supposed to work. And that is why Christ gave us the beautiful example of the church. 'cause he looked at us and said, "Oh snap. They have no idea what they are doing." And let's be honest, things have gotten better since then. I mean, like, Solomon, dude, 700 concubines, really? Not cool, man. Not cool.

I'm going to end this about where I started it - confused. But maybe a little less anxious than before. God has things in control. He's not going to short-change me by tossing "the one" out there and reeling him in before I bite (lil fishing metaphor for your reading pleasure). If I've got my better interests in mind, He's got my best interests in mind. Thank goodness.