Of Accordions and Fate

Taylor Swift won another award a the Grammys this evening. Being perfectly candid, I don't actually hate T-swifty. Sure...I complain about her a lot. I mean, every single boy I know has had a legitimate crush on her, and their reasons are always, "She's so innocent", "You can tell she's a really good person", "She's humble". Okay. Fine. Yes. Taylor Swift has surely embodied the girl-next-door caricature, but puh-leaze, she's not an angel. She has faults too, I'm sure. You see a pretty, blonde, curly haired girl in pretty, breezy dresses, who sings with the voice of an angel - her mom probably could tell you a different story.

But really, I don't hold anything against Taylor Swift. Really. Seriously. I do wish, however, that once a person has gotten a Grammy, the Grammy awarders (whomever decides these things - is it the people, or how does that work?) should consider other bands/artists out there. She's got talent; yes. But there are a sack-a-ton of artists who have better lyrics, just as well written melodies, and lots and lots and lots less fame. Taylor has had her time. Let's move on and let her continue writing broken-heart love songs for her substantial fan crowd. Someone else needs some love.

On another note, my sister, Carrie, introduced me to my newest favorite blogger: Rocket Shoes
He has reviewed every episode of this seasons The Bachelor, and I have cried with tears of laughter over several of them. The shame I feel from watching that wretched show is somehow both enhanced and lessoned after reading his posts. If you watch the show, it's worth your time to at least check out the  last post.

This evening I acquired an accordion from my grandparent's. It was sitting on the top book case shelf, gathering dust and inspiration. After taking it down and pumping out some eerie sounding chords, I decided that it'd be an instrument worth working on; unique, and excellent at drowning out ones own thoughts. So Grandma rummaged in the back room and produced a couple of brittle practice books and tomorrow it will commence.

It has taken some time - lots of thought, hours of questioning, a cry or two - and I have brought myself around to forgiveness. Or rather, I have attempted to lesson the bitterness in my heart regarding a friend of mine. Lately I have had a hard time with this decision that I once made regarding this friend. But when I look back on old journal entries and prayers, and when I talk to my best friend, I remember that things happen for reasons. We make decisions, for better or for worse, and we move on in our lives according to those decisions. And sometimes we get a glimpse of the other side - the path we almost took; the way we could have went - and we get anxious. At least I do. I start worrying that I made the wrong choice, perhaps my heart and my head were mixing things up, maybe what I thought was right in my head, my heart was saying was wrong, and my head makes decisions faster than my heart, so I followed it and it took me down a path that, later, my heart protested was still wrong. And my conscience is just the go between; middle man, trying to make peace within the body. And then I remember that often the way to make a decision when you don't know what is totally right, is to pray, seek advice from those around you, and follow your gut/heart. Sounds simple in theory, but it feels like your innerds are being torn up when it comes down to executing.

So I made the decision; I chose a path. I stuck to it. In a way, I made decision about how my life was going to go. Like the Katie Melua song goes, "Sometimes I believe in fate, but the chances we create always seem to ring more true", often it really does come to down to us and our decisions. We decide a little bit how our lives will turn out. We choose people to hang out with. We choose college, or no college. We choose laziness, or hard work.  Fate (or providence) does come into play, I believe, but we have more than just a hand in the process. We create chances.