Mundane, have your way.

In Service.
Out of Service.
In Service.
Out of Service.
I/S
O/S
I/S
O/S
...
Day
...
after
...
...
day.

Of late, this is my life. The mundane. The very mundane. And then the little sparkles of daylight I catch on my way down the mountain and out of the cloud-cover after work.

Things that are not originally mundane get to be so rather fast. Like the telephone calls I get from visitors asking about road conditions every day. Or the vehicle stickers I have to issue incoming employees. Or signing the UPS man's little signer gadget. Jobs that at one time we find exciting become just plain boring. Co-workers we once found entertaining we begin to get annoyed with. The refreshing early rise from bed to greet the day becomes a push the iPhone off the bed to make it stop ringing.

Last night I watched the Finale of The Office and I cried my head off. You just love everybody so much at the end of it. All of Kevin's chubby-faced side glances and garbled sentences. Dwight's dead-pan jokes. Michael's horrible un-intended jokes. Jim and Pam... just... Jim. and. Pam. There are no words.

The very last line Pam says: "There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things... Isn't that the point?"

And after crying little bits all the way through I just let it all out right then. How wonderful that realization is; that there is no separation between the two: the ordinary is beautiful.

These mundane tasks of my life will be looked back on as some of my most treasured.

Don't forget what you learned today, Ellie.

Never Never Land

You know those days when only thing you really ever want to do and the thing you get to do is curl up in a ball with a soft blanket and sleep the afternoon away? And then you know those other days when you're at work and nothing interesting is happening and all you get to do is sit at your desk and be responsible until the clock FINALLY hits 5? Well my day is the latter, but I wish with all my might that it was the former. I wish it. I wish it so much. But it's just not going to happen for me. I still have a good 4 1/2 hours to work, and no one is going to walk in with a blanket and tea for me and say, "Go home, Ellie. Read a good book and sleep." But I really wish it.

Crater Lake is being dowsed in a blanket of snow this afternoon. Which means that my gallivant home is going to be less gallivanty and more creeper-ish. Which doesn't make any word sense, but overall feeling sense I think it conveys quite efficiently.

Everything I say today is slow and garbled and unreadable. And that sucks because my job is to communicate. Communications Operator. Who ever heard of a Communications Operator who couldn't communicate? Now you have.

Can I please just go into a coma now? My head is off in Never Never Ever Gonna Let You Make Sense of the World Today Land.

Adulthood

This morning at work while I was dutifully slaving away, I came across a video one of my friends posted on Facebook. I think the audio is taken from a graduation speech commencement. The words sound like they're taken from a lifetime of learning that awareness is living, that meaning isn't found between pages but between people in line at a grocery store.

If you've ever felt like the only thing we place value on is book knowledge: watch this.

Relationship Mumbo-Jumbo

Maybe this is a ridiculous thing for me to do, considering my lack of experience in this area, but I feel like talking about relationships. Of the romantic persuasion.

You see, I don't think the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I don't want to be. Maybe way deep down I'm missing something, but when I look at my desires one of them IS a committed relationship...so once I recall that I do in fact want one I start wondering why I don't have one. And that's where it gets complicated and I don't know what to say because I DON'T KNOW. I don't bloody know, people.

My fall back response to that why-don't-you-have-one question is: "Well...I just haven't found the one, ya know." And maybe that's true. Maybe that is true. Probably.

And then my response to that response is, "That's a cover up, Scaredy Cat." And maybe that's true too.

From there comes a slew of thoughts which I try not to linger on.

"I'm waiting for the perfect Guy"
"Sure. But what sort of expectations do you have? Have you got a list you're trying to check off?"
"Well...yes. But that's a good thing!"
"In some ways, but people are human, Ellie. There won't be a guy with all of your ideal traits checked off."
"There could be. If he's the perfect one for me."
"No, Ellie, the perfect one for you is not a perfect guy, he's just the perfect guy for you."
"Well that's what I meant."
"Is it?"
"... Maybe not, but I'm not going to settle."
"Again with the expectations. How about you just stop evaluating everyone and start focusing on yourself."
"I am! But if I do that then I'm just going to miss out on my chance."
"Your chance? Ellie, YOU WILL MEET THE PERFECT GUY WHEN GOD SENDS HIM TO YOU. It's not up to chance - it's up to God. Stop living your life like your one opportunity is going to pass you by. Plus, no guy likes a desperate girl."
"Some guys do."
"Oh. And those are the type of guys you're looking for?"
"No."
"Then stop being desperate. Desperation always attracts the wrong sorts of attention."
"Guh. Dammityou'reright. So I just need to focus on my own stuff."
"Yeah, and we need to focus on bettering ourselves just because that is the best thing to do; what Christ would have you do. Not because of some boy out there."
"Okay. Yeah. be better because that means I can help people...better."
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Cool. Good talk."
"Yeah."
"Are we done here?"
"Not even close.....but what about that guy?"
"Are you serious?!?"

I'm just going to make a broad and sweeping statement and say that none of us (not even those in committed, loving, flourishing, kick-ass relationships) know how relationships are supposed to work. And that is why Christ gave us the beautiful example of the church. 'cause he looked at us and said, "Oh snap. They have no idea what they are doing." And let's be honest, things have gotten better since then. I mean, like, Solomon, dude, 700 concubines, really? Not cool, man. Not cool.

I'm going to end this about where I started it - confused. But maybe a little less anxious than before. God has things in control. He's not going to short-change me by tossing "the one" out there and reeling him in before I bite (lil fishing metaphor for your reading pleasure). If I've got my better interests in mind, He's got my best interests in mind. Thank goodness.

Bloggers

I'm starting to think the only people who actually blog are young moms. Young moms and extremely bitter liberal single men in their 50s. And guys in their 30's writing blogs about techy things which no one else - save the other techy guys in their 30's - will understand. Which definitely makes me the odd one out.