My Cousin. Tanya.

In some way, big or small, Tanya impacted many people individually. She inspired them. For each person there is a different story. Mine could hardly be considered significant compared to the many out there, but in this case, the impact this small memory has had on me could have been the dictionary for all the wisdom and truth it's revealed.

As a cousin 16 years her junior, I hardly ever saw Tanya, much less spent time with her. I may have seen her a time or two when I was a wee little thing, but I could hardly remember such an instance. And so, my first (and strongest) memory of Tanya takes place when I was probably around 5 or so.

There was a service being held for someone, where all of the Brain family attended. I can't be certain for whom it was, or when, but I do know that Tanya and Brian were there.

My first impression of the them, was that Brian was very tall, and Tanya had a very pretty dress on; one where when she walked, it would swish pleasantly back and forth and twirl around her legs.

(Note: As a young girl you remember these things quite well, and take careful notice because they are the things you spend your childhood years paying attention to and mimicking as you grow older.)

To continue, after the service there was a pot-luck, and at one point I sat myself down at a round table with a very large slice of cake and started eating my way through it. I was unaware that Tanya was seated to my left and watching me. I remember very well the moment I looked up and found her startling blue eyes upon me, and a humorous smile playing about her lips. She may have asked me a few questions, none of which I remember very clearly, except that through them I discovered we were cousins, and that I like her very much. I continued to sit by her, even after my cake was finished. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that it was something special to be by Tanya. Maybe it was because of her dazzling dress, that could very well have been part of it. Whatever the case, I knew I didn't want to leave the table.

After a few moments of silence that had settled between the two of us, a lilting music sprung up in the background. I could tell Tanya was listening by the way she tilted her head. I knew she was aware I was watching her.

In a decided, yet graceful motion, she stood up and started dancing along with a few others. Still she stayed near me; swishing her pretty dress. I wanted to get up and dance with her- to twirl and smile with her, but I was too shy.

The next moment she had bent down and I heard her ask, “Do you want to dance with me?” I stared into her eyes for a few moments and nodded my head. Of course I wanted to dance! How did she know?

Taking my hands in her own, she and I twirled and swished and spun and smiled. Life was carefree and simple in that moment. I was happy and I was pretty sure by the smile on her face, that she was happy too. She was having fun just as I was. She was a kid, just like me. I didn't sense that she was preoccupied with other “grown up” hardships or difficulties. I was sure that in that moment, she was just like me: happy to be alive and twirling to the music.

It would be years to come until I found out that even during the time of our dance, Tanya's body had been plagued with cancer. I never would have guessed. She left no clues leading to the anguish her body was in. She had the guts to face the pain with a grin on her face, a pretty dress, and a lighthearted bounce in her step.

Tanya, I can see you in heaven right now... dancing among the clouds, wearing a dazzling white dress and that beautiful smile. How happy you must be, my friend...