The Plan

It is now the new year. Yes, the new year. 365 days in 2008. Now I have approximately the same amount this year: 2009. That is, if I don't die first. Heh. Which is a rather unlikely, but not impossible event. Every year I always try to do something especially exciting or different to welcome the new year. But this year... Well, I guess I just didn't really have anything planned. I sang the “Auld Lang Syne” song and watched my Grandpa and Grandma's tree burn in a explosion of flame (exciting, but not new). The same thing I've done the last sixteen years of my life. Each year the same, no less exciting, always a bit surreal, but still very present.
The present:.... Hmm. There's this quote in Kung Fu Panda, it goes like this, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” The present is such an interesting topic; perhaps because you're tired of talking about the past, cannot know the future, and so you must dwell on the present; it's the only thing to think upon. This could be part of my “plan”, dwelling in the present...
I'll admit, freely, that I am a dreamer. I am constantly thinking about the future and what it will hold for me. I love to think of me and my husband and my cute little boy with curly blond hair and bright blue eyes! Yes! The future! What will it bring? No one knows for sure, but we can only guess and dream about it's surprises. I dream a lot. And not only about the real, but also the surreal. I like to think I'm part of a greater scheme. Something that goes beyond my: travel around the world, meet prince charming, marry prince charming, have little baby prince charming's and princesses, and live life with vitality and happiness. I like to think that my God out there is planning something big. Something really big. And I get to be the main character in that show. I get to be the star. That's my dream. And you know what? I think that dream has a very good probability of actually happening. It's formulating, day by day, dream by dream, step by step. Slowly. Surely. I am working towards something greater than that that I've ever planned, or dreamed for that matter. All a part of a greater plan. A greater plan. God's Great Plan. Which is, hopefully, My Great Plan. Because I want my plans to be in accordance with God's. Psh. I laugh. You should too. I just started talking about my “plans”. Hah! Like whatever I plan is really going to make it in the long haul. That's a joke. You laugh.
Plans. Another quote to refer to, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Ach! But it's too true isn't it? We, little ants on a round green and blue ball, scurry around and concoct outrageous dreams that turn into “plans” that we “plan” to accomplish. The funny thing is: most of us never make our beds in the morning, much less accomplish our life plans! Although, that is not to say that we shouldn't try to make something of our lives. Plan them, that is. In fact, I'm definitely one for making something of life. Creating goals. I think without goals people are lost. There's this confused compass inside all humans that searches for direction, but cannot go about walking without some form of a plan, some definite direction: go west, go south. Those who don't make plans sit on their bums fighting work they deem “unnecessary”. Part of a plan's job is to motivate.
Many a noval would lay unfinished, unpublished, and unknown if not for some kind of motivation motivating the author. It seems that the motivation often comes from having a plan; a purpose. Then of course you must have someone that believes in your plan. Otherwise it's all useless. Because as much as we'd like to pretend we don't care what everyone thinks, the truth is, we do; excessively. Without attention our unique skills are completely wasted. Without someone else to appreciate your work, it's pointless. Sure you can enjoy it to some extent on your own, but if you can't reveal it with a kindred spirit, you're work has no meaning. It's like when you have something amazing happen to you and you need to tell somebody. Even though it's especially dear to your heart and nobody else is going to appreciate it quite as much as you, you still need to get some type of conformation that, indeed, it is absolutely splendid and thrilling, and congratulations! Nobody wants to be alone when celebrating something great! We humans weren't created to thrive on our thoughts alone. Thank goodness.
Back to the plan. I've thought about creating a year plan. Sort of a guide to what I want to achieve this 2009. I know I probably won't live up to my plan's original standard, but at least there was some format (in the beginning) to the time spent in my year. I suppose the more structured, the more I can enjoy the freedom within those set walls. Wow. I'm starting to sound like a fanatic, huh?
The thing is, I'm a lover of life! That sounds rather vague, doesn't it? Well let me explain. I mean a lover of life in smaller terms than you're picturing. The type of life I'm talking about is the little stuff. The moments where all cares are out of sight, and all that I can see is endless opportunity. I mean those moments when you look at a little baby, the perfect “O” it's little lips shape, the little round eyes that shine with innocence, and the little button nose... I mean the moment when you know, and I mean really know, that He loves you; with everything He has, everything He had, and everything He ever will have. I mean the moment when you catch your brother and sisters eye when you're laughing so hard you can't breath, and your heart sky rockets with happiness until you could touch the stars. I mean the moment when you look up into that perfect someone's eyes, and you understand what the word “love” really means. I mean the moment when you look outside into a silent night muffled by mountains of white snow. I mean the moment when your basketball team works hard all year and the last game of the season you all kneel down, pray and thank God. I mean the moment when the sky breathes it's light out over a field of topaz grasses swaying west to east. I mean those moments. Those are the ones that count. It's those moments that I live for. They create what I like to call: my life.
Dwell in the present, dream to your hearts content, make plans (don't expect to keep them), and love life.

Happy New Year! Live it like you mean it. I know I will.

Always,
Ellie