I am a Human

I met Mr. Wits End today. I saw him coming. I even saw the sour red-faced look he so clearly aimed at my face, but I didn’t try to avoid him. In fact, I gladly collided with him, and his provoking sneer transferred readily onto my pained face. He’s not a very pleasant sort of character to be around. His sudden outbursts follow with a stream of unheard-of remarks that were never meant to be put into words and shot recklessly at opponents. His constant rolling eyes and stabbing comments confuse, bewilder and scare me, even though I know it is not he, but I who am saying such awful things.

I finally flew off my hinges today. Audrey and Will were infuriating me, teasing, and fighting, rolling their eyes and exchanging looks and smirks whenever I’d say something utterly ridicules in my rage. I wanted so badly to hurt them somehow. If not physically, then emotionally, or something that made them sit back stunned and think about what they were doing and for what reasons they were doing it.

I don’t know why my nature is when someone hurts me, I instantly want to hurt them back, so as to make them feel my excruciating pain. I guess I'm just human. Bad excuse.

I want to cry right now. I want to let out all the frustration that’s been building up behind my carefully white-painted brick walls. Focus. Focus on the good. Focus Ellie. You can do it. You can defeat Mr. Wit’s End and pull out of this dank grave you’ve so readily flopped yourself into. You’re not hopeless. You have a life. You have friends. You have talent. Even if you don’t know where it will be used, you have it. I run these things through my head; like an Espionage memorizing every step and number of information crucial to his life; cramming it into my head; forcing myself to believe the false tasting words off my acerbic tongue.

This is not a rant, nor a rave, but rather a beseeching petition to no one in particular; a thorny problem thrown out into a cosmic world, full of confusing questions that one day, I believe, will be eternally answered.

Thank you, you’ve been my tyro who probably knows more about me and the world then I’ll ever know.