Talking Long

I have this friend, a girl, who I can talk with for long, long, long amounts of time and I don't feel exhausted or like looking for a way to duck out of the conversation. Literal hours can go by and I won't have thought once, "gosh, I just want to escape this conversation. PLEASE get me OUT of this." And that doesn't happen often. Conversation with people can be so hugely draining. With some people you smile too much, search too hard for topics, ask too many questions, don't know when to pause or when to speak, how much to tell, or when to stop. And then with people like my friend, I never have to think about what we're going to speak of next, or how to phrase my question, or if my words are coming out sounding intelligent. I speak and I feel heard, I listen and I enjoy it. That connection feels really valuable. To find verbal connections with people on that level with that ease is a gift. A gift I am taking full stock of and bending my head with appreciation for tonight.

Things I Learned/Re-Learned From My Boston/New York Trip

Less internet is more.

• Meaning: I'm not thinking about virtual, often inane issues, opinions, and likes during my day, and suddenly I'm living my life in whatever Ellie-way is most fulfilling. 

Giving is always good.

• Meaning: even if I'm not sure if the homeless person I am giving the money to is going to use it to help themselves, it's still a good thing to give the money if it is coming from place of unconditional love.

Stay active during the day, sleep during the night.

• Meaning: my body functions best when it rises with the light, and shuts down with the night. Fighting real and natural sleep by watching a screen projecting a fake reality is ridiculous. Sitting around during the day and avoiding the world and the people in it is not fulfilling; being with and around people is sometimes so, so hard, but ultimately relationship with a real human - even bad relationship - is more fulfilling than relationship with a screen.

Defining myself really isn't as important as I make it out to be.

• Meaning: I don't need to know what I think about everything. I don't need to know "who I am". Go back to the stay active and in relationship with people and place and it'll all be okay.

Decide to be brave.

• Meaning: facing my fears and daily anxieties is legitimately scary as hell, but how else to move forward?

Lastly - do things I love.

• Meaning: no one knows the joys and sorrows of my heart the way I do. Seek what makes me come alive.